Here are some stories that the news media climax over but that most people, by and large, could do without:
1. A presidential campaign aide grabbed the arm of a reporter. In terms of headlines that the average person cares about, a reporter who may have been pushed aside is just ahead of, “Find out what Honey Boo Boo looks like now!” But the news media really want their audiences to think this has some significance about the leading Republican in the race, Donald Trump. What it says is that his top aide grabbed the arm of a reporter, who then filed a police report two days after the fact and who, according to video evidence, greatly exaggerated the extent of the incident. This is true, even as Salon compared the reporter to Anita Hill.
2. How John Kasich ate his pizza. Leaving aside that anything with “John Kasich” in it is the opposite of clickbait, that the candidate ate pizza with a fork isn’t unique. And people need Kasich to answer for how he puts food in his mouth like they need an answer on “boxers or briefs” from Hillary Clinton.
3. The amount of money Bernie Sanders raised. He raises a lot of money. Nice. He’s not going to be the nominee.
4. Anything HBO’s John Oliver said. His political commentary is sprinkled here and there with jokes and you’d notice if you could make it through a whole half hour of a British man talking to you like you’re stupid in order to enjoy them. Bring back Piers Morgan, seriously. But while Morgan was never loved by the American media, Oliver is. That’s because Oliver says very predictable things that Web journalists can understand and feel good about running on their websites — in full, for some reason — on Monday morning. If he weren’t on TV, he’d be the guy developing film at the CVS during the day and spending too much time on Reddit at night.